Insomnia is weird.  For most of my life I never had it and couldn’t understand how  anyone could not sleep.  I fell asleep easily, stayed asleep all night and woke after 7 hours feeling rested and ready to go.  Then in my 50s and 60s, I started needing to get up 1 or 2 times every night to pee.  No problem, I could go back to bed and almost immediately go back to sleep.  In the past month, I find myself awake at 1am, unable to talk myself into sleeping.  Very annoying.  

I had a great day!  BK,  Christy, and Tiffany came over.  We had tacos, nachos and taco salads.  Cheese cake was our desert.  Karen, BK and Christy played rummy, and Tiffany and I watched Bullit.  Tiffany was appalled by such an old movie.  I loved it!  Christy won the game.  Then it was time for the Packers game.  

Last week when they were here we made light switch covers with polymer clay.  Today we painted them with sealer to make them shiny.  I started a new one. The Packers won!  

 It’s been a long time since I wrote anything here.  It’s been a challenging time.  And then came COVID.  I haven’t been anywhere except to the doctor for over a year.  It’s a miracle that we have a vaccine so soon.  I had my first dose a week ago. I am looking forward to being able to leave my house, eat in a restaurant, visit friends and family, go to a movie or a museum, etc.  

Joe Biden is president.  I hope for his success in fighting the virus, improving the economy and racial justice, and leading us forward with decency and integrity.

Hospital room Grammys

I am in the hospital for the 6th time since October.   This is the first time I am writing about it.  It has been just one issue after another with no clear answers, just tests and treatments.  Cardio pulmonary hypertension, fluid retention, high B/P,  kidney function issues, all kinds of imbalances.

One thing I know is that you don’t appreciate being able to drink as much liquid as you want until they limit you to 4500ml per day.  You don’t really think about your salt intake until the limit it 1500-2000gm and you find out milk and Cheerios is 300gm.  

My first hospital stay in October/November lasted 12 days and involved surgery to drain fluid from my lungs.  I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it.   I was home for about a month before the problem re-occurred.  Another week in the hospital and I came home feelin much much better.  Then a visit to the cardio pulmonary hypertension specialists at St Luke’s sent me back for more fluid removal and tests.   Home again until Sat, Feb 2. Somehow, I got Influenza B even though I had the vaccine.   I have been at Grafton Medical Center since then.  Every time I think I will be getting out, I get new issues.

So tonight I am watching the Grammys in my hospital room.   I am trying to keep up with the new artists and the new music.  Every year it gets a little harder.  Ooh Diana Ross looks like a princess!

My children and their families, my brothers and their families, my friends and neighbors and especially my wife, Karen, have helped me, supported me, kept my spirits up and I know they will continue to be my strength and motivation.  I am grateful for all the medical staff who have been wonderful!

People keep asking me what I normally do as far as meds, treatments, etc., but I do not have a “normal” anymore.  Every day is a new “normal”.   How I long for good health!

 I dropped KGO off at the library to pick up a book.  We were on our way to the YMCA for swimming so I waited in the car.  Too soon, I saw her come out the library door and from the look on her face I knew something was up.  She said, "come in, I want to show you something".  I knew what it was.  What else could it be?  It had been quite some time since I dropped off the check for $350 with a list of baseball books and instructions to buy them in memory of Dad.  I was excited that the books were here and yet feeling emotional about seeing them.  I came inside the library and on a table in the entrance hallway was a display of books and baseballs.

There were quite a few empty spots on the table which meant that people were already reading Dad's books.  I know he would be pleased and happy to know that other people were able to share his passion for baseball and books.  Inside each cover was this label.

A few days later I received this letter with a list of the books that were bought with this memorial donation.  Thanks again to all his friends and relatives who gave us money and allowed us to do this. 

It is baseball season again and so time moves forward, seasons pass, life goes on.  I watch the games, I try to learn about all the new players and to remember the old ones.  Questions come up and where once I would have just asked dad, now I need to google the answers.  I wonder if he is playing baseball again where ever he is.  Is he young and strong with a heart that is undamaged and allows him to run the bases?  Is he playing with his old friends and getting to know all the old ball players?  Is mom sitting in the bleachers in her rolled up jeans, bobbie socks and saddle shoes talking to the other wives and girlfriends, cheering on their boys of summer?  It comforts me to think of them that way. 

I just finished making Dad's room back into our guest room and making it available for out of town guests.  I have a new queen sized bed, new mattress, new TV stand, curtains, bedding lighting and pillows, a ceiling fan,  We kept Dad's chair and bookcase and there is still some of his stuff in the closet.  It is hard to go through things and decide what to keep and what needs to go.  There is not much left but I can't find the need to finish.  There is no rush.  I put a picture of dad on the shelf where you can't help but see it if you sit in his chair.  He is smiling and happy and it makes me smile and makes me happy when I see it.  I think about him often.  I find myself thinking about the way he lived and the way he died and the example he set.  Sometimes I think of things that I wish I had asked him or talked to him about.  Mostly, I am content.  

Aunt Sheila sends me some pictures

I received a letter from Aunt Sheila today.  Aunt Sheila is a reliable letter writer and I am attempting to become a better correspondent, however, email is my preferred method.  Along with the newsy letter she included  these pictures.  How young they look!  I have not seen Dutch since I was in high school in the 70's.  The first 2 pictures were taken in my mom and dad's back patio area at their house on 20th Street in Ames.  I never lived in that house since they bought it after I left home in 1973, but I spent many hours of my summer vacation visits in that back yard on that patio.  

 This is my Dad, Bob Johnson, my Aunt, Sheila Sabin and my Uncle, Donald(Dutch) Johnson.  The picture was taken in May 1989.  I think Dad had not seen Dutch for many years.  It was a blessing to have this visit.  I knew him as uncle Dutch and so for Dad's obit I had to ask Sheila what his real name was! This picture was taken May 1989.  Aunt Sheila, Dad and Uncle Dutch standing, my cousin David Sabin (Sheila's son) seated and my Mom, Karen Johnson, setting out the plates and silverware.  Must be Uncle Jerry Sabin taking the pictures. My dad is wearing his customary long sleeved dress shirt.  Mom is looking pretty good in her shorts. I think she had been on one of those diets where they send you food in the mail.  

This picture was taken in Aunt Sheila's driveway in Nevada, IA  on 6-12-92.  June 12 that year was a Friday and Mom and Dad seem kinda dressed up for a Friday.  Oh, for goodness sake!  How could I forget?  June 12 is Mom and Dad's Wedding Anniversary!  38 years.   Dad has a short sleeved shirt on so it must have been pretty hot that day!  Notice the checkbook sticking out of his shirt pocket.  They must have been going out to eat.  How nice that they were celebrating!  

Letters from old friends, memorials and tears

The first letter is from an old friend of my Dad's.  I received it after my dad's funeral.  I never met John, but we have corresponded before.  I wrote him for my dad at Christmas time and I wrote him when Dad died.  This was his response.  I am not sure when the last time Dad and John met in person, but I know they still felt the connection of their shared passion and old memories.  I found a large manilla envelope in Dad's things from John with the statistics of all the games dad played in H.S., including his hits and the scores.  I am sure dad enjoyed reading about his high school exploits.  I wish I had a team photo or yearbook from those years.

I received this letter from a man I never met and was so touched by his thoughtfulness in sending us his memory of Dad playing baseball in high school. I know I heard Dad talk about meeting for coffee(diet coke for Dad, I'm sure) with some of his old team mates.

Most days, I miss Dad but I am OK.  Occasionally something hits me and the tears well up and my voice will not work right.  This happened when  I took his memorial money to the library with a list of the top 100 baseball novels.  I asked them to spend the $350 to buy some books from the list. Cindy, the librarian was explaining that they would place a sticker inside the book and asked me what I wanted it to say.  At first I couldn't talk at all so I walked away to sit on the bench and think and write it down.  I hope that future readers will stop when they read his name inside the cover and think of a man named Bob Johnson who had a passion for baseball and a passion for books. 

 9-11-1932 to 2-2-2017

Mom and Dad and getting ready.

This is a picture of my mom, Karen and my dad Bob Johnson. They look so young(because they were) and happy.  I am pretty sure it was taken while they were dating in 1953 or 1954.

Today I got a call from the funeral director to let me know I can pick up dad's ashes for transport to Ames on Friday.  So I said to Karen "can you drive me to Ernisse's to pick up dad?"  The look on her face was priceless and we had a good laugh.

Earlier, Diane, Whitney and Tiffany came over to help me sort through some of dad's things.  He didn't have much left.  I suggested that Diane might like some of his favorite shirts to make a memory  quilt and she took some of his favorites.  I am looking forward to seeing what she comes up with.  Most of his clothes and coats will go to the Rescue Mission.  It was a sad, but necessary job and I was grateful for their help.