Take me to church

My Church in Nevada Iowa.  Beautiful Stained Glass.  

My mom and dad always took us to Sunday School and church.  They went too.  We had to memorize the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. The kids in my Sunday school also went to regular school with me.   From an early age, I sang in the children's choir and then graduated to the adult choir.  After I learned to play the piano and the organ, I played for church, sometimes the whole service.  I think I mentioned before that my skill with the organ was very limited.  On 4th Street, we lived only 1/2 a block from our church so it was easy to be there as often as needed.  I was baptized at 10, a year early.  In our denomination we did not baptize babies. My mom was surprised at me asking to do it this year but I understood what the deal was and I believed-no need to wait!  I loved to go to Sunday evening singalong services.  That was the only time we sang the really old hymns.  Shall we gather by the river, the beautiful, the beautiful river that flows by the throne of God.  I loved Christmas.  I signed up for prayer vigils.  I also loved to go to church with Grandma Scott at the Maxwell Christian Church.  The Maxwell church is still there.  My church in Nevada is gone.  On that corner, someone built a house.  The membership of my Nevada Christian church built a new building on the outskirts of town.  I've never been there.

In my teen years I belonged to an All Girl Band with Cali Christy, Molly Wakefield and Deb Wells.  We practiced in the basement of my Church.  Deb sang "Venus was her name" and played drums.  Cali was our guitarist and was quite good.  Molly played the organ.  I sang, maybe played the tamborine.  We had a lot of fun but never had a paying gig.

So how old was I when I stopped believing?  Impossible to remember for sure but certainly the seeds of unbelief were sown long before I went to high school.  I read books about witches-what a bunch of BS.  I read Ayn Rand and for a short time was impressed with her theories. I read the bible, what an eye opener!  I discovered that people did not really practice what they preach and there is nothing worse than adult hypocrisy for teenagers.  So somehow between age 12 and 18, I woke to the reality that God did not exist. Since then I have wavered between atheism, deism, agnosticism and Dr. Wayne Dyerism.  Love you Wayne!

We all know that old saying that there are no atheists in foxholes.  Well there are no atheists in the delivery room and there are no atheists when your child or grandchild is sick or in trouble. I prayed in the delivery room and between 2008 and 2010, I used to recite the Lord's prayer in the elevator every morning on the way to my car in the basement and every night I recited it in bed to put myself to sleep, to comfort and sustain me for the hard things I had to do the next day.  Does God answer prayers?  If so, the answer for me is more often no than yes.

I can believe in a higher power that really doesn't give a shit about me.  I have evidence to support that claim.  But if God is omnipotent than he is responsible for everything that happens-whether in my judgement it is a bad thing or a good thing-he is responsible.  ALL things come from God.  I cannot give him the glory without giving him the blame.  And if God is not omnipotent, then what kind of god is that?

It was easier when I had the faith of a child, when I thought I knew the answers because I believed everything I was taught.  Finding your own way takes a lot more thought.

I will not try to convince you that I am right about God, faith or religion.  Do me the courtesy of not trying to convince me that I am wrong.